If you’re interested in becoming an alcoholic but haven’t yet got the hang of drinking alone, chances are you’ve been spending some time at local pubs, bars, and breweries. Whether you’re new to the shame-inducing, funds-draining lush life or you’re just new in town, finding a good, open, cheap bar within stumbling distance can be a daunting task.

Well, my little boozekittens, there’s an app for that!Say hello to Bar Findr. It’ll let you find, map, call, evaluate, and review any of 60,000 bars, clubs, and liquor stores in its database. How dandy is that?

Here’s the demo video:

As you can read on the fucking Internet, you can search for bars based on your location, the name of the joint, or the address or any approximation thereof. You can also bookmark bars and find bars near one another for an impromptu pub crawl!

And at just 99 cents from the iTunes store, this little baby’s a steal. Hours of fun, I’m telling you.

The only thing it doesn’t tell you is where the house parties are – a necessary addition in a sleepy little shithole like Richmond – but that’s why you follow us on Twitter, right? We’re like the Bar Findr that will randomly amuse and insult you through @replies at strange times of the day and night.

Music... Makes the People... Come Together

Sticky Rice is Richmond’s premier location for karaoke.  With thousands of songs to choose from and such a diverse clientele, Tuesday night around 10:30 is the greatest time and place in Richmond where class and crass are synonymous.  So come on out and enjoy a few cold beers and a bucket of tots.

Madonna was absolutely right – music makes the people come together.  Slow music or fast.  Rock music or orchestral.  Music with words or music without.  All music.  The magic of melody has the power to mold the best of friendships.  We’re not quite sure that Madonna had drunken karaoke at Sticky Rice in mind when she sang that, though.

Lap Dances

I'll Be Gone... In A Day Or Two

I’ve always wanted to pretend my phone was a pissing cock. Well, like everything else in this crazy, beautiful world, there’s an app for that.

Drunk Sniper lets you waggle your iDevice around as you attempt to virtually pee into a virtual toilet with your virtual dick. It’s the most useless app in the world.

From the creators: “Drunk Sniper takes the sloppy drunk character into some toilet action. The aim is to hit the toilet without soaking the bathroom. There are five difficulty levels – each additional level starts with extra beer chugged first. The more drinks the character has – the more difficult it is to keep the spray within the toilet. Each second of doing it right – earns points to the gamer which are displayed on a highscores board by the end of the game. If the character splashed too much, its time to clean up and start again.”

Check out the demo video. It’s disgusting.

Just remember: If you shake it more than three times, you’re playing with it.

Interested parties can find out more at the app’s web page, or they can get it in the iTunes store for 99 cents.

The creators also noted, “Girls are free to try it and feel like guys – this might be another brick into a bridge leading to understanding between the sexes.” There you go, missy. Next time he comes home staggering drunk and reenacts the fountain scene from La Dolce Vita, you won’t be such a misinformed bitch about it, now will you?

A wise man once said that trying to enjoy your Monday is very similar to, if not exactly like trying to enjoy the love while wearing a glove.  We know.  We get it.  It seems like just a few minutes ago that you were pulling out of the office at 5:01 Friday afternoon, subtly flicking off your place of employment as your turn signal served as background music.  Suddenly, you blink, and you’re right back at the place you hate the most, wishing it was the end of the week so you can enjoy that margarita in peace.

Never fear, my little cucumbers.  The great thing about this capital city is that local restaurants and bartenders understand your pain.

This is why every night of the week is stacked high with drink specials that will help you forget about that customer that wants to tell you about their sexually confused child or the coworker that likes his coffee with a lot of sugar and a touch of sexual harassment. And since it’s nearly impossible to keep up with every alcohol special going on in this city, we’ve done the hard work for you.

Notable Food & Drink Specials Throughout the City on Mondays:

• Capital Ale House (All 3 Richmond locations) has dollar burger nights from 5 PM – midnight.   Being one of the more popular Richmond Monday traditions, we would suggest getting there either towards the beginning or towards the end of this one.  Otherwise, you’ll be waiting quite a while not only for a table, but to be served as well.  But hey, that’s why God invented tequila shots, right?

• Mojo’s has 35 cents chicken wings, which go nicely with their 6 dollar pitchers of your choice of either Yuegling or Miller Lite.  Drink the former if you have an ounce of class.  Drink the latter if you’re fresh out of college and not sure how to survive without your frat brothers.

• Little Mexico has dollar hard tacos all day long, along with $3 dollar margaritas from 6-7 PM.  The tacos come in 3 flavors: chicken, beef, or potato (I know.)   The margaritas, which are some of the best in town (no, really), come in either lime or strawberry.  Be careful with those things, by the way.  It’s 90% tequila, 10% ‘rita; just the way we like them.

• Sticky Rice has half-priced sushi, otherwise known as “Sushi Heaven,” from 10 PM until midnight.  While this special does not include every single item on their menu, it’s enough to make it worth your time.

• Strawberry Street Cafe has 1/2 priced burgers, which mix terribly with their other Monday special: 1/2 priced bottles of wine.   Nothing I like better than washing my red meat down with a nice Merlot.

• New York Deli has $1 PBR’s from 5-9 PM along with 2 dollar rail drinks from 5-7 PM.   Make sure you start with the rail drinks, though.  Remember: “Beer before Liquor, you’ll wish he was thicker.”

Last night could have only been better if it sucked. We were bored enough to do maple syrup shots, convince a stranger to jump off the roof at Havana, and seriously consider crashing the house party of a non-Twitter user. Thank god for @Joshka is all we’re saying.So, here’s @Mr_Sterling, @eigenman, @ChokeyChicken, and a bottle of maple syrup:

The Last Man Standing, June 13 edition goes to @Joshka‘s noise-complaining, stupid-mustache-having neighbor, and we don’t think he’s too happy about the honor. Douchenozzle.

And for Best Tweets, June 13, here are the nominees:

Way to go, Matt! Good luck with the marriage. When she dumps you for tweeting this shit, tell her she can come rebound all over us. We love games that involved plastic cups of beer, and she sounds like our kinda girl.

Drunk tree climbing is better than regular tree climbing. See?

This morning, @ChokeyChicken‘s car looked like a giant, malevolent bird had tried to nest on top of it.No, really.  Climbing that tree is a bad decision:

Drunks don’t listen.

Chokey defies fucking gravity!

This will not end well.

The aftermath:

@Twaek goes for broke:

That tree is his disco:

@YourFaveBlonde is our fave tweeter. She’s fucking Shakespearean. Seriously. She could so write for Will & Grace if it were still on air.

In which @CameronParker and @JolieODell go all CSI on whatever the fuck happened to @ChokeyChicken‘s car at OMGWTFRVA Facebook URL Party. You think the branch inside is bad; you should see the exterior.

There’s beer leftover.

This in itself is a fucking miracle.

Welcome to a new institution: The Morning AfterParty. Part halfhearted attempt at brunch, part mooching off last night’s beer stockpile, the Morning AfterParty is our new favorite event at OMGWTFRVA HQ.

Right now, we’re Morning AfterPartying with the usual suspects at @ChokeyChicken‘s shame-riddled slum. Join us, losers.